I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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