it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
