Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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