I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
