Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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