I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
