Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
