Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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