i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
