I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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