Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
