it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You took a bar mat shot.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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