her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
