Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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