Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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