..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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