Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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