Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
