I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
