you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
