Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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