So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
