I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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