I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
