so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize