He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
