Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
