see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
