i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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