That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
