she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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