ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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