sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
