Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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