JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.