he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.