I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.