FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
