Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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