Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
