Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
