Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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