I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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