I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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