someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
