Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
