I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
