Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
