What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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