I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize