Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
