guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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