I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
