i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come on in and take your pants off
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