I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
