Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
