I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
