she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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