Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
