Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
