i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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