Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
