He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
