I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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