Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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