This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
