i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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