Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
